As I trudge towards the rusted iron gates, a dull light in the house flicked on. It casts a shadowy, gloomy glow across the garden. The leafless trees whisper and rustle in the light breeze. A giant furry spider scuttles across the cracked, stone path. The reflection of the white, shiny full moon sits on the roof of the house. Silhouettes of bats make shadows on the ground as they pass in front of the moon. The night was crystal clear when I left my house, but now the sky was began to fog up. The air around me is collecting the mist feeding off the moon.
Suddenly, I hear a loud, wretched SCREECH from behind me. I spin around to see and hear the gate swinging back and forth slowly in the light breeze, scraping the ground. The air smells musty and old. My nostrils recoil as I get nearer to the house. I admit that I was frightened.
I'm normally not one to be scared, but this house could make anyone jump out of their skin! The sky is brewing up a storm, grey clouds cover up the moon and a breeze sweeps by and ruffles my shirt. I reach the door. Just walking up the path seemed like an eternity. I rap, a short, shaky knock at the door. It creepily swings open by itself. I step inside...
5 comments:
This is great! ‘A shadowy gloomy glow’ - you have really set the scene well. Very good choice of words; words like ‘silhouettes’ and ‘wretched’.
Lots of personification, and the metaphors e.g. ‘jump out of their skin’
Well done Lucy.
- How do leafless tree rustle?
You use great description like the ‘gloomy glow across the garden’ and the ‘rusted iron gates’ and ‘the night was crystal clear’. You used short and sharp sentences which made the reader want to read more. This is a very good piece of writing and I hope that you will write more amazing stories like this.
From Ruby and Claudia
you used great description at the very beginning of your story such as ‘i trudged towards the rusted iron gate’ great job lucy bird.
Awesome writing Lucyy!
It's interesting that most people wrote their story's in past tense (Me included!) and you wrote yours in present tense. You have great onomatopoeia the 'loud wretched SCREECH' is good and you set the scene really well!
Henry
I love it Lucy. Great work. I love the way that you set the scene and I think Henry made a good point about your use of tense.
Well done
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