Prologue
As I walked up the small gravel path, I could hear the glass crunch underfoot. The door hung lazily on its rusted hinges. As i got closer to the house i was engulfed by the fog’s thick arms, as the fog cleared i could really see what had happened, glass lay on the ground shattered by the blast, shards of wood were scattered all around. I walked up the steps and peered inside.
Emotions flooded me as i remembered my old bed room, I could hardly believe what had happened. The old Grandfather clock lay across the living room floor, miraculously still ticking even though it looked as though a invisible hand, had thrown it across the room. I ventured further into the house weeds were winding all along the hall. I knew I had to get revenge. I walked slowly out of the house and headed home. `
7 comments:
Awesome prologue Mackenzie, it makes you want to read the story to follow.
Excellent language use – personification - ‘The door hung lazily on its rusted hinges’
Awesome visual description – ‘glass lay on the ground shattered by the blast, shards of wood were scattered all around.’
Fantastic use of adjectives like ‘The door hung lazily on its rusted hinges’ and ‘engulfed by the fog’s thick arms’. great story mackenzie.
Nice prologue SirMack, It really grabbed my attention, more than ice cream....
I liked the sentence 'The door hung lazily on it's rusty hinges.' You can easily picture the scene, I also liked 'I need to get revenge' I think that's what it said.
You used good descriptive language, just enough for a great story.
Overall I liked your story a lot, it wasn't to long and makes you want to keep reading.
Great story.
Sergio.
Also I forget to add, I really liked the sentences, ‘I could hear the glass crunch underfoot’ and ‘emotions flooded me as I remembered my old bedroom.’
And the last one ‘The old grandfather clock lay across the living room floor miraculously still ticking even though it looked as though a invisible hand, had thrown it across the room.
Great story Sir-Mack!
Sergio.
I like your personifications like ‘The door hung lazily on its rusted hinges’ is great. I really liked ‘Emotions flooded me as I remembered my old bedroom’ It really shows that the person is wanting to be back in that room when they were younger. Great words and great story!
Daniel
awesome job Mackenzie you make it so i can feel was is happening
david
PS Give some credit to Henry for the part in the ‘The old grandfather clock lay across the living room floor MIRACULOUSLY STILL TICKING even though it looked as though a invisible hand, had thrown it across the room.
(he thought of the capital text)
Post a Comment