Wednesday, July 28, 2010
The House On The Corner-By: Jessica
Dark shadows loomed overhead, gravestones creaked in the ghastly cold wind, a loud thump came from the top story of the murky prehistoric house. The rusted gate groaned in the ice cold breeze .I became a statue, frozen with fear. I saw something move swiftly behind the cracked window, the door handle turned gradually, the smell of must filled the air, everything stopped, the door bolted open...
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6 comments:
I really liked how you described the scene of your story eg,The rusted gate groaned in the ice cold breeze and gravestones creaked in the ghastly cold wind.It was a great choice of words.. :)
Mykala
Wow Jessica. You can really write. This story really intriguing and is well detailed. The opening line ‘Dark shadows loomed overhead’ really captures the readers attention and is a fantastic description. You used fantastic personification like ‘The rusted gate groaned’. This story really sets the scene and paints a magnificent picture in my head. You ended the story really well because it made the reader imagine what is going to happen at the end.
Fantastic piece of writing Jessica.
From Verity and Maddy.
Feedback from Mia and Tessa
Awesome work Jessica. I really like how you have used some really good descriptive words like “ The murky prehistoric house” and “ Dark shadows loomed overhead” well done. You have written this short story really well you have made a clear image of what is going on, in just a small paragraph.
Mia and Tessa
Awesome scene setting Jessica ‘murky prehistoric house’
Interesting choice of words when you write ‘ the door bolted open...’
Very effective story starter. Well done!
I like your use of the metaphor 'I became a statue' and your description of the 'icy cold wind'.
Great work Jessica!
Henry
great story Jessica I liked the part when you froze with fear. The only bad thing is gravestones dont creak
Finnegan
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