Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Evil Gargoyles By Robbie
As I walked towards the gloomy rusted gates the evil gargoyles eyes lit up blood red. They started to stretch their concrete wings and flew down to attack me. I ran towards the foggy lawn but then I realized they weren't bushes, but old forgotten gravestones. when I got to the door it open automatically so I walked inside. the mantle piece was stain with blood and a bloody human carcass lay stranded on the floor with bite holes in their neck. A familiar shadow crept up behind me and attacked me. I ran outside through the old grave yard but got trapped by the gargoyles. The vampire sliced at me with it’s blood stained claws and almost took my head off. The concrete gargoyles glided down to eat me. I couldn’t get out out of this situation.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
This is the best writing I have seen from you Robbie, well done.
This is seriously cool! - ‘they started to stretch their concrete wings and flew down to attack me’
A good story line, that keeps the reader interested.
I like the part of your writing that says ‘As I walked towards the gloomy rusted gates the evil gargoyles eyes lit up blood red. They started to stretch their concrete wings and flew down to attack me.’ this is a really good piece of writing and it describes the scene really well. Awesome writing Robbie.
I like your story because of the way you said the gravestones looked like bushes. Good work Robbie. From Harry Q
I like the explanation ‘the evil gargoyles eyes lit up blood red.’ It really helps the reader picture them. I also like the sentence ‘The concrete gargoyles glided down to eat me.’ it shows you how graceful they are.
From Thomas
As I walked towards the gloomy rusted gates the evil gargoyles eyes lit up blood red. They started to stretch their concrete wings and flew down to attack me. I ran towards the foggy lawn but then I realized they weren't bushes, but old forgotten gravestones. when I got to the door it open automatically so I walked inside. the mantle piece was stain with blood and a bloody human carcass lay stranded on the floor with bite holes in their neck. A familiar shadow crept up behind me and attacked me. I ran outside through the old grave yard but got trapped by the gargoyles. The vampire sliced at me with it’s blood stained claws and almost took my head off. The concrete gargoyles glided down to eat me. I couldn’t get out out of this situation.
Great use of language resources, similes and metaphors
I liked when you said “ towards the gloomy rusted gates”.
Good use of adjectives like “ Rusted” and “ Foggy”.
Well done!
I really get a picture in my head of what is going on when you say “ the mantle piece was stain with blood and a bloody human carcass lay stranded on the floor with bite holes in their neck.”I like the fact that it is short but says so much. Great choice of words like “ carcass” and glided” Nice work. You have covered who, what, where and when using clever words like “ situation” and “ evil”
Awesome work Robbie.
Well done
By Tessa
Excellent work Robbie. Your descriptive writing created a very graphic picture of the scene and a definite mood that made the hair on the back of my neck stand tall. Well done. I would be keen to read on and find out what happened next.
Keep up the great work.
Dad.
Hi Robbie
Fantastic work. I love the gargoyles with their blood red eyes and concrete wings.
Looking forward to seeing how your story progresses.
Great work - Mum
Post a Comment