Harry’s scary house. By Harry Q
When I walked up to the house ,I had a shiver down my spine as I entered through the rusty gate, I saw grave stones and then I saw bats flying and the wind howling through the trees. The front steps were moldy and very slippery and I knocked on the door.
A mystery person opened the door and said ‘hello’ do you want a cup of tea? I was shocked to hear an ordinary person, living in such a scary house.
12 comments:
Well done Harry. This is a really cool story I like the way that you changed the story so that it isn’t scary and you used great description like the wind howling though the trees and the stairs leading up to the house were mouldy and slippery.
Thanks
Ruby and Claudia
Excellent description Harry. E.g. I had a shiver down my spine as I entered through the rusty gate.
WELL DONE
Wow harry, you were born to write. This really sets the scene. I love it when u said ‘I had a shiver down my spine as I entered through the rusty gate’. You set up heaps of anticipation then the mystery guy says “do you want a cup of tea”. I could really see and hear the mystery guy say that.
Overall lovely piece of writing Harry.
Verity & Maddy
Great use of language resources, similes and metaphors
I really liked ‘ I had a shiver down my spine’ and ‘ the wind howling through the trees’
I really like the way you have captured the characters feelings in this story like ‘I was shocked to hear an ordinary person’. Well done.
I really got a picture in my head of what is going on I like it when you say ‘ The front steps were moldy and very slippery.
I like the fact that it is short but says so much. Great choice of words I liked how you said ‘ A mystery person opened the door’.
Awesome work Harry
From Tess and Mia
your story is really cool harry i really like the sentences:’A mystery person opened the door and said ‘hello’ do you want a cup of tea? I was shocked to hear an ordinary person, living in such a scary house.’ it is a really cool way to end the story. amazing writing harry!
you used great description harry like a shiver went down my spine. Good job
Great story Harry!
I like your descriptions of the 'rusty gates' and the 'shiver down my spine'. also the wind was a good scene setter and the story had a good twist at the end.
Henry
Great story Harry!
I like your descriptions of the 'rusty gates' and the 'shiver down my spine'. also the wind was a good scene setter and the story had a good twist at the end.
Mackenzie
good work i really liked yours great job with all the personification like "I saw bats flying"
David
I love the description of ‘the wind howling through the trees.’ It really shows you what it would be like just standing where that character was standing. I also liked the description ‘the front steps were mouldy and very slippery’ it makes you think that the steps weren’t being looked after at all.
From Thomas
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