Wednesday, July 28, 2010
The house across the road-by:Abby
“Ha” “I’m going to bet you” I teased my friend he knew I was better then him at Soccer, but he didn’t show it. He tackled me smashed into me but never got the ball. When I got close to the goal I kicked it, but sadly it missed and kept on rolling down the path. It stopped at the house across the street, the one we call “The hunted house” A big tall mansion with big iron gates. Now I was scared... As I step through the rusty old gates a sting of fear hits me. The moon floats over the house like a ghost I creep along the path way, shivering as I walk. I walk Towards the ball then suddenly it roles away and through a open window. through the house, I let out a little annoyed sigh, because I have to walk further into the creepy environment. I look around me at the graveyard I can hear the skeletons breathing. I want to run to hide and never come back, but I knew I had to be brave. Step by step I climb up the stairs to the abandoned house a dark sensation floods through my body. The door lets out a horrible shreek as I slide it open. when I step into the house I’m blinded by smoke and pure blackness I can’t see a thing. I hear faded laughs in the distance of the big house, my hearts beating so fast I can’t stop it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Great story Abby, a few a spelling mistakes, but a good story-line. You have a good use of descriptive words 'faded laugh' and a 'sting of fear'. great writing Abby!
Henry
Cool Abby. I really like the way you bring the story to the house in an original way.
Excellent metaphor and similes use; ‘a sting of fear hits me’ ‘The moon floats over the house like a ghost’
Awesome intriguing story starter.
There needs to be a few commas and full stops added.
i like how you described the house ‘A big tall mansion with big iron gates.’ i like ‘a sting of fear hits me.’i really like how you use a personification e.g ‘I can hear the skeletons breathing.’
from Robbie Lowe
Great writing Abby! I really like the sentence, “I can hear the skeletons breathing.”.The story line is really good, how the boy chases his soccer ball into the house. It is a very unique piece of writing and I really enjoyed reading it.
Lucy And Jessicaionv
Abby You are a very talented writer. I like the way you made it your own. I could paint a picture real clear at the part you said “The haunted house A big tall mansion with big iron gates”. I like the simile you used ‘The moon floats over the house like a ghost’
Well Done Abby!!!!!!
Post a Comment