The cast iron gates swung silently open as I approached. Gravel crunched underfoot as I passed through. The long grass almost hid the weather beaten tombstones that were dotted around the vast paddock. As I drew closer to the house it cast its shadowy veil over me, shielding me from the icy glare of the full moon.
The steps were worn smooth with years of usage. The heavy oak doors were cracked with age but I could see they were still very strong. As I reached for the handle the doors creaked open revealing smothering darkness inside its gaping maw.
6 comments:
Excellent writing Finnegan.
Great description and use of words
‘The long grass almost hid the weather beaten tombstones that were dotted around the vast paddock’ - wow I get a really good picture of this in my head’
This has an excellent theme all the way through, very consistent e.g. ‘old and worn out’ and ‘The steps were worn smooth with years of usage’
Well done Finnegan
Great work Finnegan! I like the words 'shadowy veil' and 'heavy oak doors' and the smothering darkness. Amazing story!
Henry
Great work Finnegan! I like the words 'shadowy veil' and 'heavy oak doors' and the smothering darkness. Amazing story!
Mackenzie
I thought it had great description from the main characters point of view e.g The heavy oak doors were cracked with age but I could see they were still very strong.
Taking a small part of what could have been a very long story and focusing on describing not telling the story.
Wow! Great writing! You have a great talent for writing. I like how you use ‘smothering darkness inside its gaping maw’ to describe the inside of the house. ‘As I drew closer to the house it cast its shadowy veil over me, shielding me from the icy glare of the full moon’ That is an amazing sentence. I can see myself there in front of the house. Great work! Keep it up!
Daniel
awesome job Finnegan it was great, good personification "the house it cast its shadowy veil over me"
David
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