Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The Haunted House - By Mykala
As I creep up the jagged path the bats swoop past. Suddenly lights flicker but I still carry on. Gargoyles stare at me as the mist creeps up towards me. Where am I? I wonder to myself. It is as black as coal. I can’t see anything as I stand here in the cold waiting for the moon to come out from behind the clouds. I feel the damp mist clinging to me. I shiver. I take a step my foot slips out from under me. I fall against something hard.
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5 comments:
A huge effort Mykala and an awesome story starter, well done.
Great choice of words e.g. ‘jagged’ and super simile ‘as black as coal’
Keep up the effort and keep pushing yourself to write as much as possible.
Awesome use of language resources, similes and metaphors
I like the bit when you say “ It is as black as coal ”.Good use of adjectives like “the jagged path”. I really like the way you have captured the characters feelings eg “ I felt the damp mist clinging to me”
I like the way you have covered the sense, sounds, sight, touch like “ I shiver”.
Well done
I really get a picture in my head of what is going on when you say “I stand here in the cold waiting for the moon to come out”
I like the fact that it is short but says so much. Great choice of words like “ Clinging” and “ Jagged”
Great story Mykala
Well Done
By Mia and Tessa
You set the scene really well mykala I like the part about the gargoyles i wish i could have put that in my writing
WOW! Well done Mykala, one of the best I've read all day. I love how you said " as the mist creeps up towards me." (personification)
Maybe to finish this wonderful story you could make the ending a bit more interesting! great work Mykala!!!
Good work Mykala
I like your simile 'as black a s coal' - it really sets the scene! the damp mist 'clinging' is a great personification too!
Henry
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