I catch my foot.
Falling over,
I remember the road I took.
Hatred and decipt,
Overwhelming me with lies.
I’m sorry to say,
I’m a fugitive of my own mind.
But, this beach,
Where I stand,
I feel safe and fine,
With all I possibly can.
The waves surround me,
The sand, endless grit,
It all comes together,
Bit by tiny bit.
So to say finally,
With all the power I know,
I love this beautiful world,
I just want to go home
Grayden O’Connor
4 comments:
We like the way you have some rhyming paragraphs and some not, it really grabs our attention!
But..
We don't like how in one paragraph it sounds like you are in a forest but then another paragraph later you are at the beach, there is no sign that you have walked along to the beach!
Overall we really enjoyed reading and listening to your poem! Well done you should be proud of yourself! Keep up the good work!
By Rubie and Flossie
Great work i really like the paragraph:
Hatred and decipt,
Overwhelming me with lies.
I’m sorry to say,
I’m a fugitive of my own mind.
And:
The waves surround me,
The sand, endless grit,
It all comes together,
Bit by tiny bit.
Over all Awesome Poem
Mackenzie...
I like the way your poem flows nicely Grayden! it all comes together, but as Rubie and Flossie said I got a bit confused when it sounds like your in the forest then the beach.
Great poem though, most of it makes a picture in my mind, every sentence grabs my attention,
Well done!
Sergio.
Also I didn't really like you going from the forest to the beach without really showing that you did so maybe you could even write another small paragraph
Post a Comment