As I crouch on the sand,
lonely,
I wrap my arms around
my legs hopelessly,
like the tangling seaweed
around me.
The waves pounding like
the beast inside me, trying
to find his way out.
The win roaring
and the bushes raging.
But in that second, those
feelings were washed away
quickly, like the receding tide.
The waves became soft, silky
ripples, the wind to the most
gentle breeze whistling
past me, the sand dunes changed
into joyful bushes,
dancing with the wind.
All was calm.
3 comments:
The is an amazing piece of poetry - You have great talent!
You have great rhyming and an amazing structure for this poem. The simile: 'Like the tangling seaweed around me' puts felling into the writing.
We love how in the first paragraph you have put the word 'lonely' by it's self, we like this because it the poem a punch! And also we like how you have made 'lonely' and 'hopefully' rhyme!
But..
We don't like.... well there is anything in this poem that we don't really like!
This is a extraordinary, but excellent piece of writing. Well done!!!
By Flossii and Ruby xx
You are a talented poet Sergio! We really liked “Waves pounding like the beast inside me”
It is a really good poem and we really liked the great similes and metaphors. We really enjoyed reading this poem. It had great feeling and language features like personification.
Daniel and Grayden
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