Claudia
Monday 26th July
I stumbled up to the gates of the old house , my heart pumping wildly. A thin mist hung around my legs. The gargoyles stared down at me with their beady red eyes. . The gates swung open creaking on the hinges. A wolf howled in the distance. I continued my way up the path. The house looked cold and damp. Screech! The gates swung closed behind me. Now I had no way out. I was nearly there. Several bats circled around the top of the house where a tall tower was. Ahhh! I thought I heard some one scream,but maybe it was just my imagination. The front door swung open some was standing at the door...
The old man at the door eyed me as I stumbled up the path. Preparing to run, I picked up a pebble and held it tightly in my hands it was the only thing I had to defend myself. The old man slowly made his way down the path towards me. “Come” he whispered. I was terrified. I felt like screaming help me, but no one would hear me out here in this deserted village. I still had the pebble in my hand. I aim it at the gates and threw it. Whoosh. The pebble flew through the air and hit the gates. Slowly they opened. Wow, that was lucky. The man just stared and shook his head.
6 comments:
Great story, I thought it was cool, I also liked the parts when you threw the stone " wow. that was lucky" and the gargoyle's beady red eyes.
Overall, awesome story.
Sergio and Harry Q.
You have a very good range of sentences that capture the feelings from your senses, i.e. sight, sounds and touch
A wolf howled in the distance – sound
with their beady red eyes – sight
cold and damp – touch
I am pleased that you have chosen your words so carefully.
I have cut off the bit at the end as it did not add detail or story line.
you had great description such as ‘i stumbled up to the gate’ you have really captured the idea of a haunted house and put it into words.
Great story Claudia! I could paint a picture in my head with the amazing description you used like ‘The gargoyles stared down at me with their beady red eyes’ and Several bats circled around the top of the house where a tall tower was.
Well Done Claudia!!!
Well done Claudia, fantastic story. Great descriptions, I felt like I was there!
From Lisa
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